School of Etiquette

One day last week, I held the door open for a man as we were leaving work. He commented to me that he thought everyone with manners was gone. I replied that, "No, we're here, you just have to find us."

This quick exchange got me thinking. I am always confused about some "mannerly" things, like the door holding. How close behind you does the person need to be before you'll hold the door? If they are further behind, do you let the door swing shut after you? Or, do you hold it anyway and force them into that akward run/ jog to catch up? If you decide to stand and hold the door, what do you say to them when they approach? This line of questioning can also be applied to the elevator. When to hold and when to fold? (and if you don't hold the door, do you talk to the others that made it in about those left behind?)

Another conundrum (great word, huh?) is how do you help someone that doesn't want assistance, but you know you should? We have this elderly man that lives next door to us, who is very independent. He is alone, except his daughter and son that come by to visit every couple of weeks. On several occasions, my husband has spotted this man attempting to carry his groceries from the car into the house. Obviously, Andy jumps right in to help, but is usually rewarded with the man telling him, loudly and firmly, that he can handle it and DOES NOT NEED HELP. But Andy knows that Mr. H can't do it all by himself, after all he's well into his 80's, is on oxygen and has serious problems walking, moreless navigating the stairs to the back door. Because he is a good southern boy, Andy convinces Mr. H to let him help, but you can see the begruding loss of independence on Mr. H's face. It makes you wonder if you are doing him a favor after all.

This segues to another topic: face issues. I don't know how to word it any better than that. What I mean is- what about people with stuff on their face? Do you tell them or just let it be and hope someone else lets the person know? Do you risk your own embarassment over having noticed the offense or try to not stare when they have a big boog a'hangin'? How about breath? Surely, everyone has had a conversation with someone that was a little too, ummm, close. Should you warn the masses of impending hallitosis doom? Or offer the mouth breather a mint?

Here's another one and this is for those of you in committed relationships- do these same rules apply to your partner? Is there door holding, even if your other half is lagging behind? Do you point out things to your significant other that you normally would not with a stranger? In our household, what needs to be said, gets said. So, if you've got dragon breath, I'm letting you know. I expect it to be reciprocal, after all, you don't want to run off the one person that wants to kiss and cuddle even after seeing you lick mayo off your own eyebrow.