The Anniversary Post

Real posts? Did I say something about real posts coming up soon? Alright, if you insist...

My husband and I recently celebrated our 5 year anniversary. Dear Lord. 5 years. Typing that out is so much different than just thinking it. Where the hell did the time go? We've actually been together for a total of 9 years. Sometimes, it feels like I have known him forever. Other times, I look at him and think WHO IS THIS GUY IN MY HOUSE?

Still, I can't imagine a day in my life without him. He is my rock and my strength, though I probably don't tell him that often enough. (I'm not going to start now, either. Don't want him thinking I've gone soft on him.) He still surprises me, even after all this time. Occasionally, he'll crank up the radio, turn off the tv and pull me into the living room floor for dancing. Or, he'll simply put my feet on his lap and start massaging them, without being asked. It reminds me again how very lucky I am.

It's funny how relationships change over time. I thought when we married that we couldn't be happier. Little did I know that Andy was having doubts about marriage and our future together. I've never talked about this before, except with him, but not because it bothers me. It simply never was a big enough deal to me. I know that sounds crazy to most of you, especially the newlyweds. How can she say he loves her if he doubted their SOULMATEY-NESS? To be honest, I completely understood his fear and hesitancy. I had some of my own after the wedding. I think every married or committed person does, even if they can only admit it to themselves. I mean, it's our life that we are promising away, how could we not question something that big, at least a teensy tiny bit? But, I also know that having these thoughts does not mean we love each other any less, only that we don't want to hurt each other later on.

Despite all, we've stood the test of time. So far, anyway. And in these years, our love has matured, grown and developed. It finally occurred to both of us that no matter our doubts, we were meant to be together. Andy has said he knows exactly when his epiphany came. 2 years after being married, we were vacationing in FL, when he realized this feeling he had wasn't going away. I don't think I really had a sudden dawning realization, so much as the truth has crept up on me over time. It was love at first sight, but it took time to understand how deep it went.

I love the feeling of us against the world that I have with him. I know I can tell him anything and it will not change his feelings for me. He knows the same about me. I remember reading in a Paul Reiser book how unfair it really is to be a spouse. He talked about how most people try their hardest to keep up a perfect front for everybody else, but the one person that they should be worried about looking good for, got the privilege of checking your nose for hanging boogs. Why do we worry about impressing people that mean next to nothing to us, like a coworker or a checker at WalMart, but think nothing of asking someone who is supposed to find us sexy for the rest of our lives, if they can smell our sweaty pits? It's simple. It feels good to have that little bit of ugliness just between you two. Those are the little things that you share only with each other. You can hide your bad habits from the world but when you live with someone, it all comes out. It's almost like having a secret, just not as interesting. (Only, no one knows it's uninteresting, because it's just between you and your other half. See how that works?)

This year was a bittersweet anniversary for us. I say that because it has been a terrible year for me, but each year spent with him is also the best year of my life. Without the hardships we have faced, we wouldn't have the closeness that we do. Without our arguments and fights, we couldn't appreciate the times of tenderness and laughter. We are known for playfully bickering, but I think the undercurrent of love is pretty obvious to most. I may call him an ass, but it's said with the utmost adoration.

Originally, I intended this post to be a *gasp* brag session of what a wonderful and expensive night we had, but it doesn't seem that important now. Sure, the dinner WAS fabulous and the atmosphere romantic, but the company was what made it special.





I wonder if anyone noticed that I am wearing his pants today?