A Letter to the Asshats I Pass On My Way To Work

To The Woman Who Must Come To A Complete Stop Before Turning Right:
Will you please just go already?? You are in my way. I have to pee.


To The Punk Teenage Boy With The "Lowrider":
You are not any cooler because your car is only 2 inches off the ground and therefore you cannot go over any bumps faster than 8 miles an hour. You are not any cooler because you can jump up and down in the drivers seat and make the whole car bounce. You are not any cooler because your seat is leaned so far back you have to prop yourself up on your elbows to see over the steering wheel. You are not any cooler because you have some weird tail pipe that makes your car sound like a cat caught in a vaccuum. And turn your damn hat around and put it on straight.


To The Bicyclist Who Must Ride His Bike In The Middle of The Road During Rushour:
What, can you not find ANY other time to ride that stupid thing? Does it HAVE to be when I am rushing to get home because I forgot to go to the bathroom before I left work? Do you even see the sidewalks right next to you? Honestly. I get that by definition a bike is a vehicle or whatever, but is there a reason you have to be on the street?

Also, do you own any pants? Cause those shiny tights you have on? certainly don't qualify.


To The Man With The Car Billowing Out Clouds of Smoke:
Umm, it may be time to take it to the shop. Just a bit of advice, but cars are not supposed to be equipped with a smoke screen unless you are Batman. Which, you clearly are not. Might want to get that checked out, is all I'm sayin'. Everybody within a half mile radius is choking on the fumes. And question- how the hell did you get that car past inspection??


I'm sure there are more categories of people out there that I hate driving with, but for now, this is enough to make me feel better.