Moment of Silence

I have only a few words to write today.

It's been 2 years since Daddy died. While the pain is still almost impossible to bear, the edge has worn down. I can think of him and not automatically cry. I can talk about him and not get a huge lump in my throat. I can imagine his voice and not want to plug my ears. I can visualize his hand motions and not want to wring my own hands.

It hasn't been easy, this road of recovery. But, I am well on my way up it. I guess, when it comes down to it, there isn't much of an alternative. You move on and live or dwell on it and give up. I choose to live.

Despite the heartache it will bring rushing back, I am going to make damned sure that Lucy knows everything about her Grandpa. He would have been so proud and happy to be a part of her life, so it's my job to make it happen. She will know how much he loves her, no matter that his soul rests in another place. Pictures of him will be shown on a regular basis and stories told, so that she can understand how important he was and remains to be.

It's difficult to think, but in some ways, it was better that he passed when he did. Now, before you go all judgemental on me, I would NEVER have wished anything to happen to him. But, there was no denying that his time on Earth was drawing to a close. His health was just too far gone for him to hang around for much longer, maybe a few more years if he was lucky. This way, poor Lucy won't have to deal with the pain of learning about death early in her sweet innocent life. (At least hopefully not.) This way, I can take the brunt of the shock, instead of her.

I originally had no idea what I was going to write, but knew that I needed to put something out there. I couldn't think of anything else to explain how his passing has made me feel that I haven't already expressed before. Except to say that even after this long, it is still there. Therefore, I just ask that you say a short prayer for anyone out there dealing with a loved one's health problems or recent death and that you go home and call your family to tell them how much you love them.

With love to Daddy always.